No matter how much I like you, I am probably not that excited to see your baby. I assume this will change once my friends start having babies, or if I manage to spontaneously adopt some kind of maternal instinct, but for now my excitement level upon seeing a baby is probably equal to seeing a Golden Girls rerun on television. When someone brings in a baby (their own baby, I'm assuming, I don't think the hospital would show the same kind of enthusiasm for an abducted baby), there is a buzz created around the office. Multiple people approach me to inform me that there is an actual baby, right here, in this very office. It has a little baby nose and a pair of baby eyes and flexible limbs, just like people always said babies would have. I know I'm expected to share the same kind of reaction, after all, I am a woman, but I'm incapable and unwilling to fake such excitement.
Inappropriate reactions to seeing someone's baby for the first time:
"God, that kid is big. You probably have to change its diapers a lot!"
"Yeah, he doesn't look like he'll be walking anytime soon - not the sharpest kid in the playpen, eh?"
"Man, his head is huuuuuuge. I bet you have to buy him adult-sized hats."
"Sooo, where was he conceived?"
"Corrective surgery is making some real advancements. You'll probably be able to get that fixed in a few years."
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2 comments:
Did you ever see that Seinfeld episode where the gang goes to the Hamptons to see this baby that one of their friends had because she kept saying "You gotta see the bay-bee!" but then it turned out that the baby was really ugly and its doctor who Elaine was crushing over called the baby "breathtaking" but then he later called her "breathtaking" as well. And that is a long sentence.
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